Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
