i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
