Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
