If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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