I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
