I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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