Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
