My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
