dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
