There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Randomize
