Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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