when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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