Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
