you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
