just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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