how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
