i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
