It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
