Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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