Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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