The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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