You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize