I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
