Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
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Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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