I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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