i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
