"it" just moved
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This is the prime rib incident all over again
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
