I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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