so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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