she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
