She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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