Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i think i just lost a toe
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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