I want to have your abortion
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs