come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
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our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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