guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
