God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
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I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....