Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
