There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
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He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
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Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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