Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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