census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize