This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
