i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
