id be glad to
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
