Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
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Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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