Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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