I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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