I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
