so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize