things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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