Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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