Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
