I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
