you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
