I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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