As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
