Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
