I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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