The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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