Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
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I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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