WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
