What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
